Random Post-Just thoughts flowing through my mind

Rejoice in the Lord Always and again I say, again I say, REJOICE!!! I don't have much I want to say if anything at all, only that it is the Lord who has made me and because of HIM I will rejoice. His ways and timing are perfect and our desire to wrap our feeble minds around every intricate detail, is soo tiring and frustrating. He has made us and chosen us to be his children, which means that we are still His through the good and the bad and no matter how much we may not like it we are all still brothers and sisters in Christ. It is the Lord who has chosen to do this and it good. His ways and His desires are soo beautiful yet contrary to the norm and I choose to follow them through the good and the bad. So I thank you Christ, you are HOLY and Glorious, there is no one like you. All that is on my mind or may try to plaque my mind I leave it at your feet, because my heart rejoices and is glad that Jesus Christ lives and His spirit dwells in me. My hope is in the Lord, all that He has done is perfect and good. AMEN!!!!

I´m in Love

So what are the signs of love.  Your heart beats, you get butterflies in your stomach, every moment your thinking about this person, and you can´t wait to be with them.  When you see them you get a huge smile on your face and you get all giddy.  When you are away from them life isn´t as beautiful.  You start to become dependent on being with this person, but in a good way.  You desire to give yourself to them completely and not hold anything back, you desire to be theirs.  The idea of not being with them makes you sick and sad and you can barely sleep.  Well this is the way I feel for my Lord.  Every moment of the day I am thinking about Him, there is nothing else I want more.  Every free moment I get I´m talking to Him and I´m thinking about him.  My heart is literally attached to God, and whether or not I spend time with him greatly affects my day.  My first love, Jesus Christ.  I wanted to post a poem that I wrote about God, but then I thought it´s not worthy or it´s not fitting.  All that needs to be said is that I´m in Love.  I love Him.  I Love you God, wont you be mine forever, becasue I want to be yours forever.  I love you, take me with you always because there isn´t any other place I would rather be.

God's Help and his promise

Romans 8:16-17
16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

1 Peter 1:3-9
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.


I didn't want to post much I just wanted to say that these few verses are getting me through a not so easy time. Yet when I read them I see the promise and I feel our Father's love. So I hope that they bless you as much as they have blessed me and kept me. The whole thing is jamm packed with so much truth and power. The Lord is amazing and he is not playing, he really wants us to be his. I just love that about him.

God's Grace and Glory

It's amazing how you can start out one day and end up on the other side of the spectrum. Obviously from my previous entry you could tell that I was having a little melt down, just frustrated with many things and it came out through the breaking down of all of my technological products. Well I guess some good news is that I was right about the location of my cell phone and I got it today, which made me feel a lot better. Well any way on to the point of this entry.
I just realized how much of God's grace has been poured out on me lately, yes at times I complain and am fustrated becasue even though I have a great life it's not an easy one. Yet I am soooo blessed. Today I had the opportunity to praise God in the middle of a parking lot by myself. I was waiting for my friend to come and open up the house of prayer. I was just bawling, truly. Earlier that day before my class started the Lord was really talking to me through the scripture in Daniel 9, more specifically verse 18b "We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy." This verse just hit me sooo hard. It's sooo true. I don't ask the Lord for his help because I am righteous, for if I was I wouldn't need to ask the Lord, but I ask because of His mercy. It's his mercy that I am asking for Him to show me. His mercy so that I can get through the day, His mercy so that my mind is renewed every moment and His mercy so that I can walk this path he has chosen for me. Of course every moment of the day isn't amazing, but I pray that He might be merciful and shine his glory down upon me so that His glory would be reflected upon the earth through me. Yes I know that I am absolutely nothing but I know that out of his merciful nature I am seated in the heavenly realms with Christ Jesus, and I think how awesome is that. At the same time I think how silly am I that I can not have this revelation of the glory and mercy of God every moment of the day and instead it is a struggle. Literally a battle within my mind and in my heart to acknowledge the glory of the Lord in my life. I mean I see his hand in almost everything that I do and in the lives of those around me yet I miss the revelation of his glory shining through all of it. At times I catch it like a ray of lighting but it is quickly gone. I just want to be faithful and to see his glory and grace all the days of my life and not just for one moment. And maybe, just maybe I am selfish and I see the glory of God more in one day than people might see in a week, but for me that's not enough. And for this one thing I am okay about being selfish because I just want more and the more I get of Him the more I want. The blessings of yesterday are not enough for today. Show me your glory Lord I want to see your face and walk in your splendor.
Maybe this is all just me rambling and spewing out whats in my mind, but at the same time I hope it's a prayer to the Lord that he will hear and answer. I just want to be transformed and to be so different. I want to be a Daniel or John the Baptist or Elijah of this age, not for recognition (because that is the one thing I definitely don't want) but I want to be so dedicated to God like they were completely abandoned to Christ. What does that mean and what is the cost? Whatever it is I want to pay it, if that means that I get to see the heavens open up and see the glory of Christ Jesus.
Well I guess I will rap this up before it gets any longer, but I do want to say, thank you Christ for your Grace and Glory because without it I am nothing.

Technological Breakdown

So this post is 100 percent about all of the technological breakdowns I have had over the past two months. I think I will go in chronological order.
1.) When I was at the beach in Acapulco, I had the wonderful opportunity to bring my camera with me, early in the morning so that I could do my quiet time and take some photos. Well of course I was just a little to close to the sea and a large wave came which completely sumerged by fairly new pink camera. As quickly as possible I took all of the pieces apart and put it out to dry, but I must be honest and say that it hasn't worked properly ever since. I can turn it on, but the battery runs out of energy quickly and all I get is a black screen when I try to take pictures.
2.)For some odd reason I am just prone to losing cell phones, becasue I have lost another one. This one was my Mexican phone and I am 100 percent sure that it is located in the van of one of the families that I teach. There is no other place that it can be and that was the last location where I had it, unless it just disappeared. So of course I had to buy another just for my job which was fustrating becasue I'm really trying to save money for plane tickets, which are a pain in the but, and for Laura's wedding. At this point I really just want to complain but I will refrain from that and instead say, Praise be to God for He is faithful to the end and He will always be my friend.
3.) External hardrive, well basically they are meant to save your life when your computer has the nerve to die on you just to spite you. Well fortunately for me, my external hardrive has been acting very funny lately and not working as well as it should. If I keep it in a certain position it will stay on but otherwise it turns off on it's own. Oh what a wonderul machine!!!!!!!
4.) Lastly my LAPTOP, I think it just died on me. You may be wondering how I am typing this post and it is with the laptop of a friend. So yeah it kept saying that it was fixing problems, needing to shut down and reboot multiple times, and now I just get a black screen saying that one of the disks didn't load properly and to press, ctrl-alt-del, to restart. I think this was the climax of my non functioning gadgets. It's extremly fustrating, mostly becasue I don't have the money to just go out and buy a new one. What's worse is that I am living in another country so the only way to have contact with the USA is basically through a computer making communication a very difficult task right now.

Lastly I guess I should say that I am seeking the grace of God to help me to not worry so much about it and to remember that I am still alive and healthy, and non of these mishaps will prevent me from doing what I was called to do here in Mexico. It's just fustrating becasue I would like something to work. Glory be to God, becasue otherwise I'm going to freak out.

Birthday Party

This is just one photo at the birthday party where I was Calypso. I'll try to but up a better one soon.

Oh and I was just wondering if you guys had any idea about what theme my birthday party should be. I know it's early but I want to be prepared. I'm thinking 80's but tell me what you think.

Mi vida y mis sentimientos (My life and thoughts)

So a new entry is way over due and being that I'm sick of grading papers and I'm waiting on laundry I thought now was the perfect time. The only question I have is where to begin because it's been a while, a long while. Well I think that I will start at the idea that I was thinking about coming home to stay after Christmas. I had this aching in my heart for the ones I loved for about 3 months, because I desperately needed their love and affection and to be able to love them in return. It's sooo funny the little things we take for granted. I mean friendships are not easy to come by and good ones are even more scarce, but the ones with the people who just know you inside and out are truly one in a million. So I know that I'm blessed because I have more than one of those friendships with such amazing people. ON top of that I missed my family and I wasn't in real fellowship here in Mexico so things were just rough really rough and I was longing for the simple things of life. For a while I thought that I just wanted to go back to the states and just work, and there is nothing wrong with this, but I know that it's not for me. I just wanted some serious stability and a more traditional life (not that any life is traditional, because there are always crazy turns in the road), but I realized that the root of it all was that I was lacking love in my life, true love. I missed laughing and being with people that made me feel comfortable. I missed late nights talking about nonsense or having a deep meaningful conversation that was birthed from a cartoon. I missed the easy conversations, not having to say anything but knowing I was appreciated. I missed just sitting there and feeling the love of others around me. It came to the point that I MAYA BEY set up a meeting with the pastor of my church, which isn't like me and in this meeting I almost cried. Well all I can say is that the Lord heard my cry and I just got a strong desire to start spending more time in the CDO (because my time had dwindled) and with the friends that the Lord had place into my life here in Mexico. I was just ready to give up but he wouldn't let me. Know I must admit that in only one week I have been re energized and I am ready to come back for another year. Yet this still depends on other factors, like money-the airfare prices are killing me.

Secondly since this whole ordeal, the morning prayer set that I am a part of has been phenomenal. It's perfect just me and my friend Ben and we worship God and spend time sharing the word of God to each other. There have been so many revelations that the Lord has revealed to me over this past week and I feel so blessed because I know it is all by his grace. He alone knows the hunger in my heart and my true desires and I have found him faithful time and time again. How foolish I was to doubt his LOVE and PROMISES for me. Due to this I have also been spending more time in his word which is such a blessing because it feeds me. Truly the Lord has shown me such grace and mercy and I want to honor that by being obedient to his will. As believers we are forever under his grace in mercy but sometimes we still follow are own will and because of it we can miss out on taking part in God's plans. I've just come to a place in my life that I don't want to miss out on the great things that he is offering me to take part in. Whatever I might have to give up or put on hold to be a part of what he is doing I will do it, because I know in my heart of hearts that if I don't I would feel so disappointed, sad and forever wishing that I took advantage of the opportunity when it was given to me. So yeah I'm desperate for Jesus and everyday is not easy but he knows my one desire and that's him.

Thirdly I guess will be what happened this afternoon. I was looking on facebook, which is such an uncommon activity for me, and I noticed how the lives of everyone I knew and know are changing. It seems that everyone I know is fulfilling such great dreams and desires that they had. To me it's just so surreal. I mean people are becoming doctors, lawyers, wives, husbands, parents, models, actors and so on and so forth. The whole ordeal just made me sad. I started to compare my life with theirs (which was the first mistake) and I ended up crying. I felt like I was wasting my life here in Mexico. I too at one time had a great ambition to become a doctor and/or a medical anthropologist but unlike everyone else, I find myself here in Mexico being 22 years old waiting for something great to happen. Well I can hear the world's answer now, "STOP WAITING AND DO SOMETHING!!!!!" But this isn't the answer at all. I know now that it was just the enemy trying to belittle what I'm doing. Prayer is the most powerful thing as Christians we can possibly do, and everyone is called to do different things. Yet society has taken my role and called it pointless, useless, a waste of time. For a moment I believed that lie and I felt so low, as though I wasn't doing anything here. Well the truth is, that I am building treasures in heaven, treasures that will not perish. This at times is truly difficult because I may never see the fulfillment of the time spent in prayer, but I need to trust that God's word is true and that he is faithful to fulfill it. All I can say is that it was difficult and that it hit me like a ton of bricks. My life will never be normal and though in ways this makes me sad I know that I wouldn't want it any other way. Dying to yourself is not easy and I'm learning how to do this one step at a time, after all there is a price to pay to go deeper into God, your life.

So yeah if you guys could prayer for the church of Mexico and more specifically the one here in Cuernavaca that would be great, mostly for wisdom, discernment and power in Christ. Also can you pray that I would do the Lords will and that he would provide where I need it. Our God and King is faithful and holy, I love him and will praise him all my days.

I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH!!!! I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON!!!! Cuidense y Manda un brazo y beso. (Take care and I send you a hug and kiss.)

P.S. I was Calypso from Pirates of the Caribbeans for a costume birthday party, so I will post those pictures ASAP as well as others.

Persecution in Orissa, India

This is a excerpt from an email sent to me from YWAM (Youth With A Mission), written by two of the leaders in India. I just wanted to post it to ask that believers will pray for what is going on over there.

A militant Hindu priest and 4 of his attendants, who were zealously going around the villages of Orissa and 'reconverting' people back to Hinduism, were gunned down by unknown assailants in Central Orissa last weekend. Immediately the Christians were blamed. The cry rose up...'Kill the Christians!' And the horror began.... In the past 4 days, we have first hand witness to hundreds of churches being blown up or burned and many, many dozens of Christian tribals have been slaughtered. For no other reason than they bear the name of Christ.
Night and day I have been in touch with our Good News India Directors spread across 14 Dream Centers in Orissa... They are right in the middle of all this chaos. In Tihidi, just after the police came to offer protection, a group of 70 blood-thirsty militants came to kill our staff and destroy the home. They were not allowed to get in, but they did a lot of damage to our Dream Center by throwing rocks and bricks and smashing our gate, etc. They have promised to come back and 'finish the job.' Our kids and staff are locked inside and have stayed that way with doors and windows shut for the past 3 days. It has been a time of desperately calling on the Lord in prayer.
More police have come to offer protection. In Kalahandi, the police and some local sympathizers got to our Dream Center and gave our staff and kids about 3 minutes notice to vacate. No one had time to even grab a change of clothes or any personal belonging. As they fled, the blood thirsty mob came to kill everyone in the building. We would have had a mass funeral there, but for His grace. In Phulbani, the mob came looking for Christian homes and missions. The local Hindu people, our neighbors turned them away by saying that there were no Christians in this area. So they left.
We had favor. The same thing happened in Balasore. All our dream centers are under lock down with the kids and staff huddled inside and police outside. The fanatics are circling outside waiting for a chance to kill. Others were not so fortunate. In a nearby Catholic orphanage, the mob allowed the kids to leave and locked up a priest and a computer teacher in house and burned them to death. Many believers have been killed and hacked into pieces and left on the road.... Even women and children. ....... Every one of our GNI directors that I have spoken to said: 'We stay with our kids.... We live together or die together, but we will never abandon what God has called us to do.' More than 5000 Christian families have had their homes burned or destroyed. They have fled into the jungles and are living in great fear waiting for the authorities to bring about peace. But so far, no peace is foreseen.
This will continue for another 10 days.... Supposedly the 14 day mourning period for the slain Hindu priest. Many more Christians will die and their houses destroyed. Many more churches will be smashed down. The federal government is trying to restore order and perhaps things will calm down. We ask for your prayers. Only the hand of God can calm this storm. None of us know the meaning of persecution. But now our kids and staff know what that means. So many of our kids coming from Hindu backgrounds are confused and totally bewildered at what is happening around them. So many of their guardians have fled into the Jungles and are unable to come and get them during these trying times.


Pray for the believers in Orissa, India. They are under attack, literal attack and persecution. May the mighty hand of our Christ come in and rescue them and deliver them. Pray that the glory of Christ will shine over them and over that place. Pray also that his presence will reign over all of the wicked and evil planes of the enemy. May Jesus Christ be glorified and the will of our Father God be done. I declare, ask and pray all these things in Jesus Name. ~Amen

If you want to look more into the subject you can check out the article done by BBC News and also by The Christian Post.

That Secret Place!!!!

Don't you wish that sometimes in your life maybe just once or twice a year you could go to a secret place. This place would be just your own and it would be inhabited by the presence of God. The beauty of it it is that you don't have to create or design it, it would just be perfect the exact way you desired in your heart but you didn't know how to express in words exactly. In this place you could talk to God face to face, just like the twelve disciples. This place would be unbelievable beautiful and you would want for nothing. In some ways it's kind of like heaven but since I've never been there I couldn't say that it is exactly like heaven. Or maybe in my mind it's like heaven on earth. Well the point being that right now I soooo desire this. This is what I desire more than anything else in the world. It's not that I hate my job or life is miserable, quite the opposite things are great, fantastic, but I want something more. I've been longing to go home but I think that is the manifestation of a deeper longing that I have within and the best way I know how to describe it is as the secret place. At times I wish I could experience the 6 months of fragrance treatment that Esther went through a time of pure pamperment (I don't think that's a word). I just want to go up to the mountain and be taken care of by my God. My life in no way is horrible it's just that I'm tired. I'm not sure if I need a break and to be honest I don't have a clue what I need but I'm hoping that whatever it is, it comes soon, real soon.


Sweet Clouds, Sunshine, Soft breezes of the wind and Me and God together again. That's all I need that's all I desire. Still I wait for that great prize for His holy fire. My God and My Lord , My savior My King, come and rescue me, bring me home again. My God and My Lord, My savior and My King I love you so desperately.

None

I really didn't know what to title this entry because I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about. Ever so often I've had the desire to post an entry but it wasn't strong enough to get me to actually do it. I can say that I feel the same way right now but I'm forcing myself to just take out a few minutes to write something. Firstly I must acknowledge that I have been MIA and I can say that I've been like that for a while now. I guess I can say that I've been trying to find my way back to things but I've missed the mark every time. Most of of it is due to the fact that my human efforts have failed me every time. I'm not quite sure what is going on inside my head or my life at the moment. There are many changes but they seem to just be another part of life and nothing to fantastic or exciting. Maybe it's just that I don't feel ready to share or that I don't feel safe to share. I was praying this morning and something I said to God is that I don't know who to talk to and I'm afraid to talk to people. I don't think afraid is the best word to use because it's not really fear. It's just that every time I am going to talk about it I hold myself back because it doesn't feel right and because I'm sick of talking about myself. I realize that right now all I want to do is talk about God. Talking about my issues or problems or even joys and celebration have only left me feeling void in such an unbelievable way. Yet nothing has filled this emptiness and I'm longing to have it filled with the voice of Christ. Something new in this walk is what I'm seeking. What is his heart for others and to see his hand working in my family. I want to hear the voice of God that will set me on fire again because everything else is futile, it's just walking through the actions of life but there never enough to touch me or bring me life. Truly I want to focus on others because I am unbelievable sick of focusing on myself. That's what's in my mind right now. I'm sorry if this entry is a bit much for people I'll try to update more on the daily things that have happened next time.

Internship-Internado

How do I began, the Lord has done so much this past week. Well I'll guess I'll just start at the beginning. A little over a week ago I was batteling intensly with my mind and the enemy was truly attacking me and my own flesh was not helping me, with all my doubts and uncertainties. Well I basically felt like I was going to fall and fall hard if the Lord didn't help me soon. Each day I recieved a word from God in some way that helped me through for a few hours but then I would began to battle again and I had to reaffirm God's word in my life just by recieting his promises in his word. This would help greatly but it was still extremely difficult. I think it finally all came to an end last Tuesday actually which was the first day of the internship. So a group of about 8 people from the IHOP-Kansas came here for an internship for a month. Well that night when they arrived I was at the height of my inability to go on any longer. It was just so hard and the fighting within my own mind was getting the best of me. Well I think that night or the next day the Lord just freed me. I just stopped trying and gave it to God fully and he took it, which was a blessing. Even if it was for just a moment I am truly grateful. I think truly what I learned about this experience was the reality of how weak I truly am and all is impossible with out God. I'm currently reading a book by Madame Guyon, a french woman who lived centuries ago. Well her testimoy is unbelivable, she lost 7 children and her husband and then spent the last nine years of her life in prison, WOW!!!!!! The cost that was asked from her is so powerful, and during this time in prison she wrote all of her books. Well the one I'm reading now talks about the times we go through when it feels like God is not their or just intense suffering and how the Lord uses these experiences so that we can die to ourselves, which is an extremly hard process. I say all this to say that I think what I was batteling was a growth process, even though the enemy was attacking me, it was the hands of the Lord that was keeping me and refining me in this process. I learned a lot and am still learning about my own heart and just the ungodliness of it. The Lord is taking me and all of us through a process and i say Yes and Amen, b/c I know that at the end becasue of this process I will die to myself and become like my Lord Jesus Christ. How awesome of a process is that, THANK YOU CHRIST and PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!!!

Well all that happened above is still a continous process that the Lord is taking me through but so many other amazing things have happened in only 7 days. So I realized that the Lord is always willing to pour his blessings out on his people in abundance but we are not always ready to recieve them. Well I feel that the Lord has been preparing the believers here for something great, preparing their hearts to recieve what he strongly desires to give and not just here but believers around the world. Well basically we had a Mega prayer slot on Saturday July 5 from 11 am to 6pm. This involved many churches from many parts of mexico and all I can say is that it was AWESOME. The spirit of the Lord was there in such a beautiful way and people were getting healed, wow!!! I've seen the Lords healing in my own life even though sometimes I still doubt but it was awesome to see it in the life of others and not just emotional healing but physical healing as well. To top that off when a group of the interns went to the hospital the other day to pray for the people, individulas were being touched by God. It's really amazing what God is doing and I just want to emphasize that it is all by his power and grace. I'm just so blessed to be a part of this and to see the glory of God just rain down. Lastly was what happened today which really God used to bless me and speak to me. Today we went to the Center (downtown) and we did a silent prayer for the women and their familys who get abortions or who are thinking about them. We spent an hour there just standing there praying. What is so awesome about this was that so many people were curious about what we were doing and why. We were interwied by the government and people were prayed for. In fact a guy who is a pshycologist came up and began talking to a few of the people there. It turns out he works with a group that takes in girls who have had abortions and becasue of it are going through a lot of things emotionally. He himself is a Chrsitian and I believe he is doing research on the effects of abortions on individuals. So he wanted Chrostians to come in and talk to these girls. I mean WOW, the Lord is opening up so many doors. All I want to do is praise him becasue he has been so faithful and I can see him moving here. Lastly I want to share a story about this woman who is a part of the internship and participated in the silent prayer but don't want to post it on my blog becasue I think it's personal and it deals with this issue above. So if you are interested in hearing the story email me and I will share it with you that way. Love you all.

Trust in the Lord becasue he is faithful and he is at work doing great things. Pray that we are blessed to take part in his plan and see the fullfillment of his will on this earth.

Sorry if there are spelling or grammatical errors because I wrote this so quickly and didn't go over it to edit.

All is better and there is new life on the horizon

Pre-warning this blog will not be well written in any way. I've never been a great writer but I seem to be getting worse. Still I hope that my thoughts get across clearly.

So about a day or two after getting back to Mexico, I talked with my friend Liz. Honestly she has been the biggest blessing in my life since I've been here. So she is a professional massage therapist. First she gave me a massage which was unbelievable and such a blessing b/c my back was killing me that day and prayed for me which at that moment it was as though all of the worry and pain just left me immediately. Later we finally talked or at least I talked and I began to explain everything to her. The feeling of loneliness and longing within my heart, and how it was a little hard being at home because everyone is getting married. It was a feeling of jealousy or hatred towards anyone becaue I am truly happy and excited for everyone. It's just that it made me look at my life and realize that I do long for someone special one day. Lately I have been okay about these feelings but it was as though the past month I was consumed by them. Since I had a lot of time to think at home it was constantly on my mind. There is nothing worse than dwelling on the idea of something that you want to forget, so basically I was tormenting myself. Yes these feelings are natural but when you get to a point of over thinking they can become dangerous. The thing that was so helpful when I talked to Liz was that she understood completely and she gave me some really great advice. At that moment God's grace was truly upon me and I felt extremly encouraged as well as free from a weight that had been resting upon my shoulders for a while. I felt that I truly gave it over to God and I was free to do only what he has called me to do here, anything else will be a surprise gift, which is the best way to receive a blessing.

Well as for everything else, life is going great. I am back into my old routine and their is a new fire brewing inside of me. I crave and hunger for God in such a new way. I want to understand better what it means to be the body of Christ but also what it means to seek him out. I've been lacking in personal time with my Lord and my soul is groaning. I remembered this morning my old daily routine: Waking up, brewing a cup of fresh coffee, walking like a zombie back to my room and taking a sip of that heavenly goodness while I began to read my bible. Honestly it is the simple things in life that I miss. Now I have to be at work by 8am which means I have to wake up by 6am if I want to enjoy this habit. So I want to began doing this again but at this moment I am sick, so waking up early is out of the question. I'm not saying all this to complain but that I'm eagerly looking forward to doing this again. Public prayer time, worship, and great sermons are all amazing but I'm missing my quiet times. I'm looking forward to going through a cheesy quiet time guide with just me and Jesus, because right now that's all I need, nothing fancy just quietly waiting and seeking his voice.

Lastly I was looking through old pictures going all the way back to sophmore year in college. At the same time I was listening to Jars of Clay which I haven't heard for over a year or two and I just felt this warmth in my heart. All of the memories that I have made over the years with my friends who I love dearly. Right then and there I wished that I could go back and time and re-live those adventures. I realized that I had so much fun in college and I will treasure every friendship that I have made because they are a part of me. This leads me to my apology to my girls for my current entry in the journal. If it is a little crazy to read or understand I am sorry because I was working on it between 3am and 7am in the morning and I didn't sleep at all that night.

Well that's all I have to say for now, I'll try to update more often.

Processing My Thoughts

What to write, I'm not sure. Yes I probably write this statement for every entry but this time I think it's because I haven't processed anything yet. Life is going and going and I find myself feeling slightly sad about it. It's all truly bittersweet. I will let you know right now that I wont write exactly my thoughts at this moment because I don't want to be that open right now. Well anyway life seems to be passing me by in a good way at least. It's not that I'm not growing and learning because I am it's just that feelings inside me are welling up that I never experienced before. One thing I'm okay with sharing is the current desire to be married and have kids. Like most women I have always desired this but lately it has been stronger than normal which is all around strange for me. I think on what my mother said: Your reaching that age where this is what a woman desires. Not in the idea that woman only think on marriage and children because this is not it. It's as though an alarm within me began to go off one day and ideas and emotions that I never really had began to appear in my mind. Yes I know that this is completely normal but for me it is completely strange. How do I deal with this and how do I act. I'm so set on being patient and waiting on the Lord because I know it will all work out perfectly in his timing, but it doesn't mean that it is not difficult. Though I haven't fully processed everything this is one idea I came to while visiting family and friends this past week. Relationships in Christ are so precious and I'm just starting to really understand them. I want to spit it all out but I know that now is not the time. I guess to sum up my feelings is as though to say, "I'm a girl and at times it sucks to realize it."
Other than the emotional journey I'm on, I'm back in Mexico. I'm happy to be back because it's nice to be back into the routine of life so I wont think so much, but it was really nice to be home and see my friends and family. Truly only a week at home is not enough time, what I really needed was one week to relax and one week to spend with friends and family. The time just went by too fast, but I was glad to be there. For now that's all I want to say, when I truly process my thoughts I will right more, at least I hope to, b/c I know I am horrible with a blog at times.

WELL...........

Well I'm not sure how to begin, I guess with my first thought. I have been living in Mexico for exactly 5 months on May 15, WOW!!! I guess at first it dodn't seem that crazy or amazing, but all of a sudden it was at though it just hit me and I thought I've been here for almost half a year. How insane is that. I think when we move to a new place that is close to home or close to friends time seems to slip by with much joy because our hearts are there. This time around time has been both extremly fast and excruciatingly slow (sorry if I spelled that word wrong). Depending on how I feel I think "Can this day go any faster, please!!!", or "WOW a whole week just went by with out me knowing." It's crazy actually and this time around I'm in a completely new environment. Here there was no real sense of comfort or familiar face or culture, rather new, everything new. The Lord has been absolutely amazing, transitioning me every step of the way. I've seen parts of my heart I never knew where there, I've stretched farther than I thought I could go, and I loved more than I new was possible. I think the most amazing thing I've learned is this, LOVE. You know there's the saying that, "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." For most of my life-which is short-I belived in this philosophy and I still do to a point. The difference is that I was never in love but over this past year I've realized I'm in love I am truly smitten, overwhelmingly in love. With who? Well of course it's God, Jesus!!! You know many people say this and it has become a cliche and just a semi-annoying phrase, but I am truly in love it's unbelievable. I have never known anything like this in my entire life and this love has changed me in the most profound way. So yes it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved, but I choose to love and never lose it. Through this adventoures love with my savior and creator I have been able to give over my fears, concerns and regrets but even more I have been able to love others. It's one thing to love some one with a brotherly or sisterly love or even a romantic love, but to love them with a godly love transcends all boundaries. I'm learning to love people with a godly love and it's amazing how they began to be transformed into the image that God sees them. Things just start to fall into place and the things that once made me angry don't anymore, amazing is all I can say. Sometimes I think that I learned nothing in Mexico and I haven't grown at all, but at times like this I realize that I've changed a lot and I'm a different person. The lord is just emptying me out on his alter, what's left is what he finds beautiful and he continues to fulfill me with more charachterestics like himself, THAT IS LOVE!!! "He disciplines those he loves." It's so funny you can truly have nothing and have it all and lose it all to gain it all. So there, that's what's brewing inside, it's not an epiphany or anything prophetic, but it's the spirit working in me, it makes me laugh.
In other news, I am officially coming to Cleveland on June 11th and leaving June 18th at a ridiculous hour in the morning. I am really excited about this because there are many things I would like to do, love to do:
1) Stay up really late with my sister talking about God, watching movies and eating tons of food.
2) Have really beautiful, fun, lovely, long conversations and hang out times with my bestfriends.
3) Say Hi to my dad and pray for him, a breaking prayer a miraculous prayer.
4) Give my brother a HUG and tell him I love him!!!!!!!!
5) Visit my home church, 'Metro Church South'.
6) Spend time at HOP Cleveland, which includes participiating in my sister's set.
7) Recieving prayer and praying for others.
7) And of course, SPEAKING SPANISH!!!!!!
There are 35 days left until I'm home, YAY!!!!!!

I don't know, I'm filled with Joy!!! I know that things will be different when I visit, but different is good, it means growth and something new to love. Miss and love you all, you are forever in my heart no matter where I am or what I'm doing, love like this NEVER DIES!!!!!!

Something work please!!!!

So I try not to complain to much since I realize that it's not good for me or anyone else who might have to listen. Of course I mean fruitless complaining not when you are sharing your heart and hurts. Yet I find myself in desperate need to complain, and I'm not quite sure if it fits into the former or latter, but I will have a better idea when I finish.

I was reading Jess' bblog today and I could honestly say that I could relate. God has taken everything away from me and it has been one heck of a ride, extremly fun when I just let Him drive. Still their are times when I would like things to just work out, please work!!!! So, so far I have lost two cell phones, bought an alarm clock which SUCKSSSSSSSS, and a watch with one button that you have to hit with a hammer for it to work. Truly all of these things where fine, they're not the best thing that have happened to me but I'm okay. Of course I was fine until the power cord to my laptop JUST STOPPED WORKING! Truly this is too much, my computer is my only menas to do just about anything. I use it to tutor, to talk to friends and family, to read books, etc. It's not as though I'm idiolizing it (at least I hope not), it's just that life just got 1000x more difficult. This would be all good and dandy if I was still in the states and I could call sony and have them ship me another one. Not to mention I could probably use a friends computer (which I am fortunate to be doing right now). Well if you didn't know already, your warranty only applies to the country you live in. So the extra 100 or so dollars I paid does not work here in good 'ol Mexico. I guess many people might think, well why are you complaining. Well let me tell you. Power cords ARE EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE!!!!!!! It just made me realize how much it sucks not to have money. I try and I try but yet I feel like I'm still in a hole. When I try to save here comes another issue another problem and honestly it's not fair and it sucks. Now, unless Sony does something when I call them I will have to use the money I'm going to recieve for a power cord and the next check for my plane ticket. God I'm just sick of this truly. Something I would like to be blessed with are finances. I know I'm doing Gods will but sometimes it just all seems so unfair. Gosh could it all just work!!!!!!! Talking about something I don't want to deal with, yet, I have no choice.

Still I must say I don't know where this complaint fits, maybe a mixture of both. Well I'm going to go pray, it's probably the best thing for me right now. Before I do I just wanted to say that maybe it isn't the cord at all it's just life and it seems to be getting to me. I think how I feel right now is best written by David Silkner, it's just I don't know how to do that, so when things fall apart I feel myself falling right along with them.

"I am trembling, but hungry. I am weak, but resolved within myself. I am carnal, immature, and foolish. Yet I have this advantage - by grace I see the way ahead, and the destination that is alive as the dream of my heart. I know what I long for, more than money, comfort, honor, fame, and even the power and blessing of God. I know what I want my life to be about, and I will fight the good fight with the best of my strength to lay hold of something more than flowery prayer language and the ability to teach a few scripture passages. I want God.

One thing I desire, that will I seek."

Father help my heart not to sway over small things b/c it seems that I am being broken down to nothing, so that I might know the sufferings of my savior and grow in my love for him.

Gustas y disgustas (likes and dislikes)

Since I'm not quite sure what I should write I'm just going to make a list of likes and dislikes, well sort of.

What I love:
1) Friends that encourage you and tell you when you need to update your blog.
2) Watching God do miracles in your life
4) Prayer
5) Friends and Family
5) Great Conversations
6) Writing a Play
7) Teaching English
8) Getting Paid
9) The heat, over 90 everyday and rain for 3 months.
10) Arroz con leche and Flan, basically great food.

What I dislike:
1) The daily pick up statements and random people who hit on you.
2) Guys not getting the clue that you don't like them, for example
Maya: I need to go the Privada Hermosa
Taxista(Taxi-driver): Do you like to go out during the night?
Maya: No not really, I work a lot and I'm usually tired.
Taxista: Do you like beer?
Maya: No
Taxista: What do you do on Saturday?
Maya: I work.
Taxista: and Sunday?
Maya: I go to church.
Taxista: I would like to take you out.
Maya: No thank you.
From this point on the process of telling him NO a thousand times will continue until I leave.
Seriously this has gone past the point of frustration and now I am straight up annoyed.
3) This kind of goes with number two, but hating that I can't look nice for myself without some guy trying to hit on me. LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE!!!!!!
4) The heat, over 90 everyday and rain for 3 months.
5) The lack of trash cans, put your trash in a trash can, PLEASE!


Well I am enjoying my time here over all. I have my own prayer slot now 12pm-2pm Monday through Friday, and a new guy is going to join me everyday. So SWEET, b/c he can really play the guitar and I can't so it allows me to sing more. This also give me extra practice with my spanish, b/c he doesn't speak english, so I have to speak and pray in spanish all the time, DIFFICULT!!!!!
The only thing that has been bugging me lately is the constant remarks from men, I am sooo sick of it, truly. I want to be able to leave my house looking really nice and not get hit on about 30 times that day. Ridiculous, right!
I'm currently writing a play I was inspired when I read Matt's screen play. Right now I have about 30/40 mins, but I have a long way to go. It's fun when I'm inspired but I'm not right now, hopefully something will come this weekend.
I'm excited about the next couple of months because a lot of people will be visiting here to learn more about the CDO and how they can start one where they live in Mexico. Also individuals from the states will be visiting for a month long internships. I'm so excited about this. I don't know what else there is to update. I just ask that you guys will pray for me so I can continue to do the Lords will and know what more he has for me while I'm here and what I am to do next.

Voy a trater de escribir mas muy pronto. Espero que algo me inspira para escribir.
(I'm going to try to write more very soon. I hope that something inspires me to write.)
I'm talking about my blog of course!!!!!

Sinner: Yes that's me and Oh how clear it is too

Can I say that I am a sinner, Yes I can and there is a deep piercing in my heart that makes this revelation so profound. Yes I've always known that I was a sinner, which is why I need Christ, yet there are times when the revelation of how horrible my sins are is made clear to me. The things that are truly in my heart. As Jesus says it is not what goes into the body that is unclean but what comes out. Through what we say, think, or do can we see the reality of our fallen nature. So there are two incidents in particular. The first was just my reaction to a situation, which was insensitive. For those of you who know me this might not seem out of the blue or shocking, but it was as though this time around I thought why am I like this, why do I react this way, why can't I be different, and truly I began to relate with the character Jo, in little women: I have no heart, or at least the heart I have God needs to soften even more. How horrible am I or as one of the old testament prophets said, WOE is me. WHY DEAR LORD DO YOU LOVE ME, FOR MY HEART IS AS BLACK AS THE NIGHT? To top that off I can't be as supportive to my friends as I soo desire to do so and do what I feel is my responsibility, if only things were different I guess is my only cry.

Well what really set this confession ablaze was a statement that I said tonight which disgusted me in so many ways. HOW COULD I SAY THAT, WHERE DID IT COME FROM, WHAT WAS I THINKING? I was drinking coffee and eating pastries with my friends here in Mexico and I was saying how I didn't understand something and as always one of them said to me but you are in Mexico not America. Usually I respond with a shrug and accept it but this time what slipt out of my mouth was, "But part of Mexico is America." HORRIBLE, ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE. To some this may seem like nothing but we have to remember the setting here: I'm in Mexico with Mexicans, and the USA took a huge chunk of their land, how insensitive was that!!!! I don't even know why I said it or where it came from, I love Mexico truly and the people here have come to be like family to me honestly, but I felt like I return their love and kindness with a stab in the back. All I can say is my heart, oh my heart. Why that statement was their I don't know but it was and I wish I could change the past but I can't. For me it is just an eye opener to my sins, my inability to be like Christ, my lack of compassion, my lack of love, my lack of consideration of others. OH how I need his help because Lord I am fallen and broken. As Paul said, what I do not want to do I do and what I do want to do I do not. Woe is this brokenness within my heart, how I need you Lord. So I ask for forgiveness from all of my friends or family or anyone else who I may have wrong, please forgive me for my sins towards you. Please have compassion on me where I did not have on you, I repent and ask for your forgiveness. I have sinned against our heavenly Father and those I love. Help me Christ make me new I give everything to be more like you. Into the hands of the Lord my heart I give and may in return I receive beauty for these dark ashes.
~AMEN

My heart is faint with love

I don't know where to start and I think that most of this entry might just be me quoting scripture. But first I want to say my heart is faint with love. The past day and a half has just been overwhelmed with the love of the Lord and I would like to say it is more precious than anything else on this earth, and as Song of Songs says, anyone who trades for love will be utterly scorned. My gosh I guess I just want to quote all of song of songs, but I think this really all started in 1 John 4:19, "We love because he first loved us." I know that this is a scripture that has been quoted many times and sung in songs, but it was as though the Lord touched it with a fire when I read it and my mind was opened to see it in an unbelievable way. This concept is soo profound and probably extremely simple which makes it even more mind blowing. It is just like God to have a love like this but what is even more amazing is that this concept extends to so many other areas of our lives, as we seek to be more like him. I forgive because he first forgave me, I am because he is, I sacrifice my life because he first sacrificed his life for me. I do these things not out of my own being because that is utterly impossible but out of the holy spirit that dwells in me. I don't know for those who might be reading this they might think how crazy and simple, though they are right, there is such power in this and I am utterly blown away. I've just been writing and writing, praying, worshiping, asking for forgiveness, etc because of a floodgate he opened up in my heart just through this one scripture.
Also just the reality that God is the exact reality of what we read about love in the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserver. Love never fails."
Also in Song of Songs 8:6b-7
"Love is as strong as death, it's jealousy is unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one where to give all the wealth of his house for love, it/he would be utterly scorned."

WOW!!!!!!! is all I can say. Yes, it is true that unlike God we are unable to truly live this perfect love because we are not perfect due to our fallen nature, but what is sooo beautiful about this is that, this draws him to us and he loves us even more. Our imperfections draw him to take us under his wing like a mother hen with her chicks, and to lavish us with an unbelievable, potent, powerful, supernatural love, all he asks is that we share in that love with him. That we repent from our evil ways and turn to the loving arms of our God. Of course this isn't easy and it's hard to believe at times but all the faith, hope, courage and love that we may need are right there in the Lords hands and he is willing to give them to us so that we can believe and we can trust in this incredible love relationship.

John 3:16 "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have everlasting life."
Repent, turn from your evil ways and live, for the Lord does not desire for any to perish but to embrace the love he so desires to lavish on the people.

As for the update I'm staying in Mexico at least until the end of this year, but thinking more about staying for a total of two years. My new teaching job is going great and I never realized how much joy I get out of teaching, it's really really fun and I leave every class encouraged, so God has truly blessed me. I love you all and may the Lord bless you and keep you not just for your sake but for his kingdom.

I hate Bugs

Okay so WOW!!!!!!!!!!! It's been a while since I updated. I tried to about 3 days ago but my computer froze and I lost everything I wrote, making me frustrated, but here I am back again. Well as you can tell by the title I've had some interesting experiences with insects lately and the worst have been in the bathroom in the stall. The first was the viewing of a moth about 6 inches long just sitting on the wall, and so I fled. Before I tell the second encounter I would like to say thank you to God that I don't sit down on public bathroom toilets b/c the second encounter was the sighting of a roach crawling from the bowl onto the toilet sit while I was peeing. That just straight up freaked me out and again I fled but this time there was a small scream, not loud though. So yea, I hate bugs and I'm trying to love all of God's creatures but I must admit at times I wish they didn't exist.
Well onto what is really important, as usual since it is His charachter, God has been faithful and I was blessed with an assurance of his faithfulness this week. I went to eat at La Princessa, the best Tacos in Cuernavaca with some friends, and I don't have much money but I decided to treat myself, but at the end one of the guys paid for everyone. In an instant I was just filled with this overwhelming peace that everything was going to be okay. It was as though God was saying, "See Maya, I told you I had everything under control, I will bless you and you will be able to enjoy yourself, b/c I'm with you and I love you." It seems like such a small thing but this free meal was such a blessing in so many ways b/c it touched my heart and soul. I needed that assurance and it came at the perfect time.
Well I don't know how many might know by now but I am no longer in my study abroad program b/c I ran out of money, so that means that I had to move out of my current house with a wonderful and amazing mexican family, and find somewhere else to live. Well as I am writing this I am sitting in my new location. I was hooked up to live with this women who I met at the church I attend. Honestly this was completely organized by Christ, b/c she lives by herself and has been living by herself for some time and she has been praying for sometime for God to send her someone to live with and talk with, and in popped me. I think it's amazing to be on the other side of the prayer, when you are the answer, it's literally amazing and it just opens up a new facet of Christ and his powerful, abundant love for us. Just maybe this was one of the reasons my financial situation didn't work out how I planned, so that I would have to move, so that I could bless someone who deserves to be blessed. This woman is sooooooo unbelievable sweet and humble, I know that the Lord wants to teach me a mountain load through her and my heart is humbled every moment I'm here, Christ is holy and amazing.
One of my other many prayer requests was to find some sort of job, and by the grace of Christ, I have a job interview on Monday for the opportunity to be an English teacher at a language university. This is completely in God's hands, so please pray. But still even this blows my mind, God has guided me by the hand and he hasn't let me go, no he hasn't let me go.
Lastly, I must admit that one day of this week I was seriously down b/c I was hungering for love just a hug and desperately desired to talk to my girls in Cleveland. I just couldn't take the almost all male interaction anymore, but the Lord answered my prayer and touched my heart, and I truly felt loved. It was as though he gave me a hug b/c I really wanted to be hugged.
Honestly I think that might be the end of my update, I can't think of anything else, except Christ is always speaking I just need to be patient, dwell at his feet, and listen.
HOP-Cuernavaca shout out, the guys there are excellent and truly a blessing from God.
P.S. My cleveland peeps and family don't think I forgot about you b/c you are always in my heart. Love is something that extends past boundaries and territory lines, it is always present, always feeling, and always wanting to give and be shared.
Genesis 15:1b "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward."

Oracion no es una broma sino es poder que Dios nos da. (Prayer isn't a joke, rather it is power that God gives us)

Wow, so I've been reading this book given to me on loan by my friend Benjamin who started CDO Cuernavaca but that's another amazing story. Well the book is called, "Bridal Intercession: Authority in Prayer through intimacy with Jesus." I must admit that I'm not one to read a christian book, but this is powerful. Every chapter the Lord has spoken to me in such a profound way. If you're wondering more about the book, the back says:
Bridal Intercession is a book for such times as this, approaching the topic of intercessory prayer from the perspective of the Church's place as the Bride of Christ. Rather than seeing prayer as an issue-oriented, anxiety-based exercise that produces fatigue, Gary Wiens presents prayer as joyful and romantic communion between the Lover and His Beloved. The approach is thoroughly biblical, utilizing the stories of God's relationship with His people as the foundation for the contemporary call to intercessory prayer.
Can I say WOW!!! I have been hit so hard with what I have been learning in this book, and I know it is the Lord because at the same time things are occurring in my life to help me understand what is being said in the book better before I even begin to read the chapter that usually corresponds. For example I was dealing with anxiety about somethings today and I begin to read the chapter titled "The Authority of Intimacy", and the author uses the story of Ester and the King to express his point. Can I say that this went straight to my heart and the situation I was dealing with and for the next hour or so I basically wept before the Lord, weeping of hurt and weeping of praise. All I can say is the Lord has been so amazing and faithful and there is none like him. Thanks and Praise be to God because seriously with out him who knows where I would be. The best thing about it is that I don't have to worry because he loves me, I am his daughter and he finds me precious, I can go before the king, just like Esther. I know my life and heart are in his hands and I trust that he will do what is best for me, and will keep me even though I may not know how.

So yea, I guess this isn't really an update, just an opportunity to say how awesome God has been and how grateful I am for his relationship. I wish you all the best, and I recommend this book, but only in the Lord's timing of course. Love you all.

Casa de Oracion -HOP

Yea I guess as time goes by blogs can eitherget more exciting or slowly die. I don't know where I should put this post becasue I don't have anything really profond to say. I guess I wanted to talk about my time here at CDO. In a nutshell it has been incredible. The more time I'm here the more time I want to be here, God has just been so sweet and loving me in the exact way I needed. I thought Valentine's day would be hard, but it wasn't since I was allowed to spend time with my Valentine Jesus. The Lord is truly growing me and stretching me by changing my perspective on life and what is truly important. I was just talking to God today on the way to CDO and I was thinking about something personal and I just said to God, Lord if whay you have for me is the complete opposite of what I thought and wanted bring it on because I want you even more. It's just been great and the people here are amazing as well. I just love it and I feel right at home which is an answer to prayer. For example I came to CDO to pray but we ended up changing the whole set up of the room (I must admit I didn't do much), but the best part was just hanging out with the guys. As always I was the only female but it was cool,it reminded me of being back in Cleveland and that made me soo happy, b/c I must admit that I miss my guy friends as much as my female friends, so today was a nice blessing. All in all me encanta la casa de oracion (I love the house of prayer), not all has it been a place where the Lord has met and touched me but it has been a home where I feel like the people are family. So thank you God, yet I cherish that saying/song. Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver the other is gold!!!! Love and miss you all from the bottom of my heart.

Jane Austen

So I started to watch the movie the Jane Austen Book club but I didn't get the chance to finish, yet I know that the women find out their lives aren't so different from the lives of the Austen women. And just recently I thought wow, you know what my life isn't that different from them as well. I know that when I watched the films of the famous novels I mocked these lovely women because of how simple their lives where, but you know what, my life is not so different. I like to take turn abouts, talk to my friends, find out the recent news, walk in gardens, go to dance parties, and spend time with my family, so are these women really so different. In fact they were each brave in their own way, that their period would allow, talking out against pride or choosing love over money. These may seem like simple task today but are they really because our society still chooses money over love and supports pride. So I know that now I want to try and become like one of these great fictional characters and stand for what I can, though it might be more fitting to our times, like standing for Christ in the middle of a barrio or choosing to work for nothing because the Lord has sent me to a far off country. Yet whatever it is I think I have a lot to learn from these women and I will try my best to do so.

The Lord has given me life

Well I know it has been close to two weeks since my last post but I hope everyne will forgive me for the delay, I just didn't have the energy to write anything. Well I have two things that I want to talk about, one is a lesson god is teaching me and the other is an insert from my journal.

1. So basically lately I have been feeling really down or lonely because I miss my friends and my family, and I truly miss those one on one conversation I had with people that allowed me to express how I feel and what God is doing in my life. Without that life has been a little hard but the Lord has been faithful. I feel that since I have been here God has been tearing down walls of the house that I have built with my own hands so that I can become truly bare before him and come into the house that he has created for me. Today one of the ways he showed me this was by showing me that I have a lot to learn about love. I walked to CDO today and it takes me about 35/40mins to get there. When I arrive the doors are locked, I get instantly upset to the point that I am about to cry because I'm hot, tired, and all I wanted to do was pray. Someone was supposed to be there at this time for prayer. So i sat down and I was getting ready to read a little before I went back home only to here the sound of someone opening the door. It turns out someone was coming they were just running late and I felt so ashamed becasue how upset I got over something so little. I went into 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter and it says, LOVE is not easily angered, yet I was. Love covers all things and only by growing in my understanding of love will i truly become more like Christ and that means being patient and not allowing anger to rise up in me, I will trust the Lord and all is will fall in to place.

2. Journal Entry, Feb. 6, 2008 5pm at CDO
I laid my head down to sleep and when I woke I found you there. I found my heart lifted and a light burning. A sense of joy where sadness once lay. I could only say that it was you Lord that sang a song over my soul. You saw my sadness and gave me life for my ugly ashes. I thought I died but then I heard you call my name, "My Maya, My Love, My dear, come to me and walk by my side and hold on to my hand, give up not yet but hold on a little longer." Weak I am from the night, yet I feel the Lord hold my fragile body and heal my wounds. The darkness has faded and now comes forth the light. My voice can not express my thanksgiving to the fullest, but it is as though a spring flows from my heart.
"...behold the darkness has departed! I will be a shield maiden no longer, nor vie with the great riders, nor take joy only in the songs of the slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren. (LOTR, Eowyn)"
Thank you my Lord, for this I long so desperately, my soul breaths it when there are no words to say. Your hand has reached into the dark places and you have saved me from the darkness of my soul.

Well I hope that explains things a little if not and you want to know more shoot me an email. Les extrano (I miss you all).

What can I say: Papa me hables, si es verdad (Father speaks to me, yes it is true)

Honestly I don't know how to start this post or what I should say, but I guess I could start with an apology. Sorry there are no pictures up yet, but the connection is just to slow so I can't download them.

Honestly since my last post not much happened, that I thought worthy of writing about except the amazing conversation I've had with my mexican mama about God and the problems in the world. Secondly going to a Salsa Party, and if you can believe it, I didn't dance, these people were so amazing they could have been ina competition, but I think they all take class. so Man I am determined to learn how to salsa and salsa very well!!!

Well again I say not much has occured that I wanted to talk about until this morning. So my friend and I had an encounter with two young gentlemen which is common here, in which they were trying to find a way to date us, and this included a jewelry and flowers, very sweet, but that's not enough, in the sense that I DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE!!!!! Well the point being that this situation bothered me for the next two days and this morning before going to church I felt the Lord leading me to James, not any particular chapter so I started with 1 and that was exactly what I needed. James 1:1-18. The whole section touched me but I want to talk about just one versus 13-15.

When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Basically like all females I like to be thought beautiful and receive flattery and compliments, but I admit I don't try and go out to find it especially in Mexico, it kind of finds you. At the same time I find that I would prefer not to entertain even though at times I have, because my value and love is not from man but God. I feel that this is a life long struggle that women go through, but today I had a wonderful picture from God. I could see myself as a women, very beautiful dressed in a wonderful long garment, kind of like Lord of the Rings dress, and before me is God who is my father and I run to him and embrace him, and I feel so at home. Here I am in his arms and their is no greater love that I can feel and I know that all that I am is his and I give it freely: My being, my body, my emotions, my thoughts, my desires, all belong to him and they are not my own. Yet I know also that if I am to be given over to someone in marriage one day I want my father to chooses, and in this image I see myself telling God this.

Point being, my own desire for affection can lead and entice me to a place I do not want to be and this can birth forth sin and eventually death. Yet I choose not to fall into this trap and persevere because my worth is in the Lord, as James 1:12 says,

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

This is only one of many things that the Lord showed me this morning in James, I wish I could share more but I don't want this post to get any longer, yet I encourage all to read it, because it is soo powerful.

A Poem

OH so I don't have much to say other than the Lord has been faithful, and shown me unbelievable love. One of the ways of course is through the family here. The husband and wife, Lupita and Jorge are truly in love with each other it's pretty amazing to see. For example almost everyday at the table after eating, Jorge just stares into her eyes and she into his. Today as I watched them express their love for each other in a very silent but sweet and powerful way I thought of God's love for us. Is this not the relationship he desires to have with us and does he not stare at us with this powerful love for who we are. Are there not times when we do the same with the Lord, lifting our eyes up to him, not saying a word but knowing that we are in love with him, and it becomes so clear why. We can't always express it in words but we feel it, this deep and powerful connection with our God, our savior.
So as I was walking to La Casa De Oracion (HOP) I was dwelling on this and when I got there I was extremely exhausted and had a headache but I decided to praise God anyway, after all I walked all that way to get there. Well after about an hour in I really felt God's love with me and I think what was truly in my heart at that moment started to come out. I decided to write it in this poem.

To tell the King that my heart overflows because my friend, the one I seek, he loves me.
He loves me so much.
He's seen me at my worst and at my lowest, with the darkest of spots but still he says,
He loves me, and I , I am beautiful.
Yes he loves me when all others flee.
His love is perfect and most importantly he looks at me and sees who I am, not who I try to be, and still he says, He loves me.
Yes he loves me.
It is a beautiful and needed love.
And all I can say is thank you for this love, this free and needed love, that takes my heart and lets me rest and lets me be.
Yes he loves me just as me.
My God he loves me and God I thank you.
Yes he loves me, he loves me.

So I don't know, it's not a complex poem but it express my heart. Pictures will be coming soon but I want to do it when I have a lot of time, maybe Wednesday, b/c the internet connection here is really slow, until then:
Doy gracias a dios por todo que tu haces y por amigos y famila, que siempre estan en mi corazon.
Translation: I give thanks to God for all that he does and for friends and family, that are always in my heart.

Different and not so great ways to learn spanish

Que Pasa Uds! Yo espero que todo sea bueno en Clevland. Solo dos dias desde mi primera entrada pero mucho sentimientos han occurido en los dos dias.

Translation: What's up you guys! I hope that everything is great in Cleveland. Only two days since my first entry, but many feelings have occurred en those two days.

Sooo, what's new. A lot and at the same time not a lot. Friday I basically spent most of my day walking back and forth to the Casa De Oracion-CDO-(House of Prayer), which is about 40 minutes each way, or praying at CDO. Then I went to bed, I was so exhausted from all of the walking, still it was a great day.

Most of my adventures occurred on Saturday, today. First I went to UNITER to take my test which wasn't processed so I don't know what to think about that other then the fact that I have to meet certain graduation requirements so I will fight to get into the classes I need, with a Godly attitude and heart, of course. After, I was invited to Martin's birthday lunch, that was a lot of fun and I met some new people there, including a recent college grad from South Carolina, teaching English full time in Cuernavaca. The food was great, except for this dish where the meat looked like the foot of a pig, FUCHILA (GROSSSS)!!!!!! The worst thing about it is I think it really was the foot of a pig.
So everything was going great and on the way home I wanted to share a cab with Kendra, the other girl from Cleveland. Well this is were I learned a funny but not so great way to learn spanish. NON STOP for about 20 minutes the taxi driver was hitting on me, he said he was 30 but I think he was 40. If you have ever been to Mexico, you might know that the men are extremely forward and will even ask you to Marry them or tell you they love you, though this is the first time they have seen you. Strange I know, but you get use to it quickly. So the taxi ride was extremly comical and I had the opportunity to practice the spanish Word NOOO!!!, many times, LOL!! He went from you are beautiful to will you be my girlfriend, all in spanish of course. It's funny b/c I remember one girl who would pretend she didn't know spanish in a taxi ride to avoid this, maybe that is a good idea, but you do get to practice the most when in a Taxi, I don't know, the jury is still out on this matter.

Well other than that my emotions where up and down b/c trusting God for money was really getting to me. I'm good for the first six weeks but it's up to Christ after that, but I do have one student to tutor, so PRAISE BE TO GOD for that!!!! Going from stress (test) to sad (money) to amused (taxi driver), has really worn me out. So even though it's early I think I'm heading to bed.

Genesis 15:1 "Do not be afraid Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." And so the Lord shall be for me, thank you Christ.

Aqui en Mexico: finalmentehe llegado

Hola, Como estan mis amigos? No se preocupan esto blog no va a ser en Espanol sino ingles, pero aveces neccesitare praticar escribiendo en espanol.
Translation: Hello, How are my friends doing? Don't worry this blog will not be in spanish rather in english, but sometimes I will need to practice writing Spanish.

Well on with what I really wanted to say. I'm sure everyone is either excited or shocked that I even started a blog but, I thought it a good way to stay in touch with everyone, so here I am. I'm finally in Mexico after many months of praying and waiting on the Lord, I'm here and each day I am more confident that this is where the Lord has me. So far everything has been great, my flight was a decent time frame but I was ready to get to the house when I arrived since the family I am staying with moved to a new location. I figured that it might be smaller than the one before since their family is shrinking from 5 to 3 in about 2 1/2 months, and I was right. Still it was beautiful because what they bring to the table is more than money but a true glimpse of how a family should be, not perfect but full of love for one another.

The first night was fine and I slept like a baby, probably due to traveling all day, and feeling sick from the disgusting unbelievable sickening smog in Mexico city. You can tell the difference when leaving Mexico City to go into Cuernavaca, the temperature raises about 10-17 degrees and the air is fresh and SMOG FREE, YAY!!!! The second day was great. I didn't do much but hang around the house and take a walk to the University, Universidad Internacional or UNITER for short. It's great, in this new house the school is within walking distance which is a great way to save money, and I think I will be doing a lot of that. It's not that the taxi's are expensive only that the price adds up after a while, 3 dollars here and 2 dollars here, the next thing you know you spent 25 dollars in a week just on transportation, so walking is now my best friend. Well back on track, at the UNITER I ran into an instructor I had this summer, he knew I had plan on coming back so now we can hang out, he is so much fun.

Day three is when God really started to speak to me in different ways. You may or may not know but the family I am staying with is Christian, protestant not Catholic. I don't emphasize that to disregard Catholicism as being Christian, b/c it definitely is, I say it b/c it's really rare in a country where every body is catholic and their is a shrine of a saint on almost every corner and in many of the shopping plazas. My point being this was completely orchestrated by God. Today being the third day I was here I had the opportunity to really think about the Mama of the family, Lupita. I believe that she might be the only true following believer in the family, that makes this even more profound and wonderful. Despite not going to "church " every Sunday b/c she doesn't have the chance to do that, she is truly a very strong believer in Christ. It's soo great talking to her because you can see how much she loves God and desire to live according to his word and will. It really is a powerful testimony to others believers and non believers and I believe and hope that the Lord will use this to touch her children to follow after him like she does if not greater. This touched me so because I also may not have the opportunity to go to "Church" every Sunday or spend time with so many believers as often as I did in the states but it doesn't matter because as a believer in Jesus Christ, his word says he lives within me which signifies that he is with me all the time and I will always be able to commune with the Lord most high not matter what location I am in or what language is spoken the Lord is always with those who believe. This wasn't the only great thing that happened today. I also was finally able to go to La Casa de Oracion (Internacional House Of Prayer) after sending many emails and leaving messages to find out the location. As soon as prayer began the Lord had a scripture for me, whispered to me by one of the prayer leaders. All I can say is wow, I'm in a different country and the Lord can still find a way to single me out, how profound of a love is that. Things to read Psalm 116, it's amazing.

All I can say and think right now is FAITH, this has been and I believe will continue to be a trip of faith where I need to trust on the lord, "leaning not on my own understanding" but listening to the sweet voice of my great and loving Father. Yay, so please continue to pray for me in the area of trust, faith, and finances, I'm just trusting that everything is going to be taken care of. I guess to top it off I may have a new job, tutoring little kinds in english, conversation only. So the Lord is providing and I know he will continue to, because I am his beloved and he is mine.

Matthew 6:25-27
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?