Mi vida y mis sentimientos (My life and thoughts)

So a new entry is way over due and being that I'm sick of grading papers and I'm waiting on laundry I thought now was the perfect time. The only question I have is where to begin because it's been a while, a long while. Well I think that I will start at the idea that I was thinking about coming home to stay after Christmas. I had this aching in my heart for the ones I loved for about 3 months, because I desperately needed their love and affection and to be able to love them in return. It's sooo funny the little things we take for granted. I mean friendships are not easy to come by and good ones are even more scarce, but the ones with the people who just know you inside and out are truly one in a million. So I know that I'm blessed because I have more than one of those friendships with such amazing people. ON top of that I missed my family and I wasn't in real fellowship here in Mexico so things were just rough really rough and I was longing for the simple things of life. For a while I thought that I just wanted to go back to the states and just work, and there is nothing wrong with this, but I know that it's not for me. I just wanted some serious stability and a more traditional life (not that any life is traditional, because there are always crazy turns in the road), but I realized that the root of it all was that I was lacking love in my life, true love. I missed laughing and being with people that made me feel comfortable. I missed late nights talking about nonsense or having a deep meaningful conversation that was birthed from a cartoon. I missed the easy conversations, not having to say anything but knowing I was appreciated. I missed just sitting there and feeling the love of others around me. It came to the point that I MAYA BEY set up a meeting with the pastor of my church, which isn't like me and in this meeting I almost cried. Well all I can say is that the Lord heard my cry and I just got a strong desire to start spending more time in the CDO (because my time had dwindled) and with the friends that the Lord had place into my life here in Mexico. I was just ready to give up but he wouldn't let me. Know I must admit that in only one week I have been re energized and I am ready to come back for another year. Yet this still depends on other factors, like money-the airfare prices are killing me.

Secondly since this whole ordeal, the morning prayer set that I am a part of has been phenomenal. It's perfect just me and my friend Ben and we worship God and spend time sharing the word of God to each other. There have been so many revelations that the Lord has revealed to me over this past week and I feel so blessed because I know it is all by his grace. He alone knows the hunger in my heart and my true desires and I have found him faithful time and time again. How foolish I was to doubt his LOVE and PROMISES for me. Due to this I have also been spending more time in his word which is such a blessing because it feeds me. Truly the Lord has shown me such grace and mercy and I want to honor that by being obedient to his will. As believers we are forever under his grace in mercy but sometimes we still follow are own will and because of it we can miss out on taking part in God's plans. I've just come to a place in my life that I don't want to miss out on the great things that he is offering me to take part in. Whatever I might have to give up or put on hold to be a part of what he is doing I will do it, because I know in my heart of hearts that if I don't I would feel so disappointed, sad and forever wishing that I took advantage of the opportunity when it was given to me. So yeah I'm desperate for Jesus and everyday is not easy but he knows my one desire and that's him.

Thirdly I guess will be what happened this afternoon. I was looking on facebook, which is such an uncommon activity for me, and I noticed how the lives of everyone I knew and know are changing. It seems that everyone I know is fulfilling such great dreams and desires that they had. To me it's just so surreal. I mean people are becoming doctors, lawyers, wives, husbands, parents, models, actors and so on and so forth. The whole ordeal just made me sad. I started to compare my life with theirs (which was the first mistake) and I ended up crying. I felt like I was wasting my life here in Mexico. I too at one time had a great ambition to become a doctor and/or a medical anthropologist but unlike everyone else, I find myself here in Mexico being 22 years old waiting for something great to happen. Well I can hear the world's answer now, "STOP WAITING AND DO SOMETHING!!!!!" But this isn't the answer at all. I know now that it was just the enemy trying to belittle what I'm doing. Prayer is the most powerful thing as Christians we can possibly do, and everyone is called to do different things. Yet society has taken my role and called it pointless, useless, a waste of time. For a moment I believed that lie and I felt so low, as though I wasn't doing anything here. Well the truth is, that I am building treasures in heaven, treasures that will not perish. This at times is truly difficult because I may never see the fulfillment of the time spent in prayer, but I need to trust that God's word is true and that he is faithful to fulfill it. All I can say is that it was difficult and that it hit me like a ton of bricks. My life will never be normal and though in ways this makes me sad I know that I wouldn't want it any other way. Dying to yourself is not easy and I'm learning how to do this one step at a time, after all there is a price to pay to go deeper into God, your life.

So yeah if you guys could prayer for the church of Mexico and more specifically the one here in Cuernavaca that would be great, mostly for wisdom, discernment and power in Christ. Also can you pray that I would do the Lords will and that he would provide where I need it. Our God and King is faithful and holy, I love him and will praise him all my days.

I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH!!!! I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON!!!! Cuidense y Manda un brazo y beso. (Take care and I send you a hug and kiss.)

P.S. I was Calypso from Pirates of the Caribbeans for a costume birthday party, so I will post those pictures ASAP as well as others.