I will just start by saying that I haven't fulfilled my purpose of writing more often on this blog, but I am posting right now, which is a step forward, haha.
Well right now it is raining, it always sounds much more intense than what it really is because of the trees that are close to my house and the fact that the thunder and lightening are quite intense. When I was little thunderstorms used to scare me to death but when I came to know the Lord they eventually made me feel comforted, as though I was hidden with the Lord in the storm. Now they are probably one of my favorite things when I don't have to go anywhere and I can stay home, especially at night time when I am getting ready to go to bed. Well like I said the thunderstorms here sound INTENSE. Truly the thunder makes a crackling noise through the air and the lightning lightens up the sky. It is very interesting because one of my favorite parts of the bible is in Rev 5 when it speaks of God the Father and how from his throne comes, thunder, rumbling and lightening. Though to see that it must be beautiful at the same time it has to be extremely scary and it makes you feel as though you are absolutely nothing. On top of that his voice is like the sound of mighty rushing waters. So though it must be a nerve wrecking thing to see, I think there is such peace in it to. This is one of the things that makes the Lord a Paradox in himself, He is both terrifying and glorious, All powerful and humble, right by your side but feels the whole earth. There truly is no one like him for that reason. And for all eternity we will get the opportunity to experience, see and live out these paradoxes of the Lord and his character, He really is so awesome and strange at the same time and for that I love him because I can relate to that. So in other words He made us to reflect part of who He is, that is beautiful.
The last thing I was just thinking about was how childish and immature I am. I have such a long way to go to reach perfection in Christ Jesus, to be like him. The fact that it still takes a while for me to die to things and I just can't forgive the person and I would much rather execute my justice instead of waiting on the Lord for him to do things in his will and in his timing. There isn't much I want to say on the topic, just that it isn't easy but at the same time I know dying to myself is possible with the Lord by my side. Well hopefully the next time I write I will be in the states.
Love you all!
Maya
8/25/2011
6/15/2011
Random
So there are many things on my mind right now and as it gets later in the night the ability to express them all on my blog grows dimer, so I better get started.
GET OVER IT!
Lately I have been learning a lot about my own pride and fear in my heart and this has caused me to become so fearful with conflict resolution. Those who know me, may find this rather strange and ackward for my personality, but living in Mexico has made me become more passive and introvert and at time, passive-aggressive, which use to be my personal pet-peeve. Yet circumstances in my life are forcing me to deal with this growing fear and pride head on, of course through prayer and with the help of the Holy Spirit. But the Lord is making it evident to my heart that I will never grow if I don´t learn to deal with things head on, learning to fear God and not man.
I think living in a different culture can really take its toll on your self esteem, which in many ways can be good but if not checked by the Lord, can also be very damaging. In other words, I know one of the reasons the Lord brought me to Mexico was so that I would not be able to do things in my own strength, because he desires to work with those who lean upon him (that is quite beautiful actually, but can be difficult to learn), but because of that I have grown fearful of doing things, due to the fear of failure. But the real question is what am I really afraid of? And the answer is: What people will think of me. UGH and knowing that is frustrating because I know God's opinion should outweigh the opinions of others but I must be honest and say it has been difficult.
Yet I feel like this year (and I hope and pray this as well) the Lord has been teaching me to break through this, so we shall see how the progress goes, and by his grace I shall overcome in Christ Jesus.
Lunch on Wednesdays:
So every Wednesday I have been meeting with one of the woman here to study the bible together and to eat, kind of like discipleship. And not to go into much detail, since I believe it should be kept rather private, I just want to say that I love our times together. Not only is it a full afternoon filled with great food and coffee but we also have been studying 1 Samuel and looking at the life of Saul and David and how this relates to our lives has been awesome. Yet what I really appreciate, apart from the awesome bible studies and what we are learning about God, is the friendship that has been growing, because this lady is just an awesome woman of God and she is so hungry to learn more about him. Really I feel like it is a privilege to be able to lead and guide her. Ahhh I do look forward to Wednesdays but next week it will be canceled due to the internship.
RAINY SEASON!!!
Where is the rain. Right now in Cuernavaca it is usually raining non-stop but it really hasn't been raining lately which is a huge drag because without the rain it can get extremely hot. Maybe 90 degrees here and there is no big deal, but high 90s every day and through the not can becoming very difficult to bare. So I hope it starts to rain more consistently, but preferably in the night, then Cuernavaca's days and nights are like something out of a fairytale book.
WOW there were so many other things I wanted to write about but I can't think of a single one, that must mean that it's bed time. But one more comment. I'm hoping to be much more consistent with this blog, just talking about random things that have been happening to me in my life or what I have been experiencing here in Mexico but from a point of view that is not quite work oriented. And I hope that out of doing this I can return to being that very open hearted person I feel like I was at one time, just honest with what is going on in my heart and life.
GET OVER IT!
Lately I have been learning a lot about my own pride and fear in my heart and this has caused me to become so fearful with conflict resolution. Those who know me, may find this rather strange and ackward for my personality, but living in Mexico has made me become more passive and introvert and at time, passive-aggressive, which use to be my personal pet-peeve. Yet circumstances in my life are forcing me to deal with this growing fear and pride head on, of course through prayer and with the help of the Holy Spirit. But the Lord is making it evident to my heart that I will never grow if I don´t learn to deal with things head on, learning to fear God and not man.
I think living in a different culture can really take its toll on your self esteem, which in many ways can be good but if not checked by the Lord, can also be very damaging. In other words, I know one of the reasons the Lord brought me to Mexico was so that I would not be able to do things in my own strength, because he desires to work with those who lean upon him (that is quite beautiful actually, but can be difficult to learn), but because of that I have grown fearful of doing things, due to the fear of failure. But the real question is what am I really afraid of? And the answer is: What people will think of me. UGH and knowing that is frustrating because I know God's opinion should outweigh the opinions of others but I must be honest and say it has been difficult.
Yet I feel like this year (and I hope and pray this as well) the Lord has been teaching me to break through this, so we shall see how the progress goes, and by his grace I shall overcome in Christ Jesus.
Lunch on Wednesdays:
So every Wednesday I have been meeting with one of the woman here to study the bible together and to eat, kind of like discipleship. And not to go into much detail, since I believe it should be kept rather private, I just want to say that I love our times together. Not only is it a full afternoon filled with great food and coffee but we also have been studying 1 Samuel and looking at the life of Saul and David and how this relates to our lives has been awesome. Yet what I really appreciate, apart from the awesome bible studies and what we are learning about God, is the friendship that has been growing, because this lady is just an awesome woman of God and she is so hungry to learn more about him. Really I feel like it is a privilege to be able to lead and guide her. Ahhh I do look forward to Wednesdays but next week it will be canceled due to the internship.
RAINY SEASON!!!
Where is the rain. Right now in Cuernavaca it is usually raining non-stop but it really hasn't been raining lately which is a huge drag because without the rain it can get extremely hot. Maybe 90 degrees here and there is no big deal, but high 90s every day and through the not can becoming very difficult to bare. So I hope it starts to rain more consistently, but preferably in the night, then Cuernavaca's days and nights are like something out of a fairytale book.
WOW there were so many other things I wanted to write about but I can't think of a single one, that must mean that it's bed time. But one more comment. I'm hoping to be much more consistent with this blog, just talking about random things that have been happening to me in my life or what I have been experiencing here in Mexico but from a point of view that is not quite work oriented. And I hope that out of doing this I can return to being that very open hearted person I feel like I was at one time, just honest with what is going on in my heart and life.
6/05/2011
One month left
Soo ever since I started to write updates on my experiences here in the House of Prayer Mexico, I slowly but surely left this blog behind and picked up a new one which focuses solely on my experiences in the House of Prayer. Yet recently I had the desire to pick this blog back up and start to just share more random, personal experiences that I have been having here in Mexico. That being said, this will be my first entry since.....September of 2009, WOW, almost 2 years ago.
Well as the title says, one month left, I have exactly one month left teaching two kids that I started to teach when I first came to Mexico. They were my very first class as an English teacher (they were my students before I got the job at the English School) , giving private classes and since I have become full-time in the HOP, they have been the only English class that I have kept. I have been their teacher for almost 3 and 1/2 years now and in the beginning of July they will be moving to a different state in Mexico. I know it isn't the end of the world or the worst thing that could happen to me, but I will miss them so much. To think that I have watched them grow and improve over the past 3 years and become part of there weekly lives. To be honest I'm not quite sure what I will do when I no longer have that 2 hour Thursday class with them. There are many things I can do in the HOP, while on the other hand many friends of the family want me to dedicate that time to their kids, but I'm not sure. After becoming full-time at the HOP I didn't keep up this class for the money, rather because I loved hanging out with them, laughing with them and getting to know them and at the same time having opportunities to share about Jesus Christ and the gospel to the two kids (who are pre-teens now). This has been such a blessing and it is quite possible that the Lord is now closing that door and calling me to really focus more on the HOP in the area of internships, because it is growing greatly.
Well, knowing that I have one more month with them, I am planning my last class to be a full day event (when I don't have to go to the HOP) in which we will play games, watch movies, eat and of course I will give them their parting gifts. I want it to be something that they will remember me by and something that encourages them to seek after Christ because I know that their hearts are open they just need to accept him as their Lord and Savior. I also want to give a gift to their parents for their generosity and kindness to me over the past few years, constantly feeding me, giving me rides and pretty much treating me like family instead of the random girl that gives English classes to their kids.
Well we shall see how it goes. I do ask that you will keep them in prayer though because recently I invited them to the evangelism outreach we had on Saturday and since then their mom has been on my heart. They are not a family with problems or needs economically, which can make wanting to accept the gospel much more difficult, but it burdens me to know that they don't know Christ and that they don't have this free gift of salvation. Please pray that I will continue to be bold this last month together and that the Lord will give me specific words to speak into their lives and ideas on how to bless them in ways that will cause them to look towards Christ as the only true living God who wants to save them from their sins which will only lead them to death (spiritually) and hell, because he loves them so.
Well as the title says, one month left, I have exactly one month left teaching two kids that I started to teach when I first came to Mexico. They were my very first class as an English teacher (they were my students before I got the job at the English School) , giving private classes and since I have become full-time in the HOP, they have been the only English class that I have kept. I have been their teacher for almost 3 and 1/2 years now and in the beginning of July they will be moving to a different state in Mexico. I know it isn't the end of the world or the worst thing that could happen to me, but I will miss them so much. To think that I have watched them grow and improve over the past 3 years and become part of there weekly lives. To be honest I'm not quite sure what I will do when I no longer have that 2 hour Thursday class with them. There are many things I can do in the HOP, while on the other hand many friends of the family want me to dedicate that time to their kids, but I'm not sure. After becoming full-time at the HOP I didn't keep up this class for the money, rather because I loved hanging out with them, laughing with them and getting to know them and at the same time having opportunities to share about Jesus Christ and the gospel to the two kids (who are pre-teens now). This has been such a blessing and it is quite possible that the Lord is now closing that door and calling me to really focus more on the HOP in the area of internships, because it is growing greatly.
Well, knowing that I have one more month with them, I am planning my last class to be a full day event (when I don't have to go to the HOP) in which we will play games, watch movies, eat and of course I will give them their parting gifts. I want it to be something that they will remember me by and something that encourages them to seek after Christ because I know that their hearts are open they just need to accept him as their Lord and Savior. I also want to give a gift to their parents for their generosity and kindness to me over the past few years, constantly feeding me, giving me rides and pretty much treating me like family instead of the random girl that gives English classes to their kids.
Well we shall see how it goes. I do ask that you will keep them in prayer though because recently I invited them to the evangelism outreach we had on Saturday and since then their mom has been on my heart. They are not a family with problems or needs economically, which can make wanting to accept the gospel much more difficult, but it burdens me to know that they don't know Christ and that they don't have this free gift of salvation. Please pray that I will continue to be bold this last month together and that the Lord will give me specific words to speak into their lives and ideas on how to bless them in ways that will cause them to look towards Christ as the only true living God who wants to save them from their sins which will only lead them to death (spiritually) and hell, because he loves them so.
9/15/2009
New Updates
So, I got another job. One of the families that go to my church took over the director positions at a christian school. At the moment it includes grades Pre-school to 8th, though they want to open up the highschool next year. Well they had wanted me to be the science teacher, chemistry and biology, and I had to say no becasue I ddidn´t have the time, but fortunately they found another teacher. Well on Monday their daughter informed me that they still needed a teacher, becasue the one they had, took another job to finish her Ph.D. in biology I believe. The idea is that this job is temporary and I´m teaching until they find a replacement. I´m not available to teach all of the hours but I will work about 3 hours every Tuesday and Thursday from 7:20 am to 10:00 am. At first I though why did I sign up for this but now I'm glad that I did. Though I will get paid about 4 us dollars an hour, I'm more excited about teaching there than I am at my current job and for many reasons.
1.) I get to practice my Spanish and increase my vocabulary, big time, becasue I will be using scientific words.
2.) It allows me to fill my excessive free-time on the weekends with something to do. This will include preparing my lesson plans for the following week and researching activities to do as well as studying how to say things in Spanish. I might possibly write out what I want to say, haha, or atleast have note cards just in case I get lose, becasue it will be difficult to improvise, especially in a different language.
3.) This will allow me to have a little bit more of extra money, not much but it's something.
4.) Most importantly it's a christian school, so I get to connect God to everything I teach and I get to use the bible in my classes. This has to be the greatest benefit, because it makes it unlike any other teaching environment. Also this is great for me, because it was the sciences that helped me to draw closer to God in some areas and to be in more of awe of his ability. So I'm praying that the Lord will use me to be a tool, so that through our classes the students can come to have a closer, deeper and more meanigful relationship with Christ.
I guess other big news is that my mom finally bought her plan ticket, so it is official that she will be here in a few weeks. Other than that things have been going great. I'm planning on trying Laura's fish recipe this weekend becasue it sounds so YUMMY!!!!!Oh yeah sorry about not posting pictures, I lost my battery charger to my camera which means I can't upload any of my photos but I hope to buy one soon, atleast by December. Then I will have tons of pictures to upload on Facebook and a few here on my blog.
1.) I get to practice my Spanish and increase my vocabulary, big time, becasue I will be using scientific words.
2.) It allows me to fill my excessive free-time on the weekends with something to do. This will include preparing my lesson plans for the following week and researching activities to do as well as studying how to say things in Spanish. I might possibly write out what I want to say, haha, or atleast have note cards just in case I get lose, becasue it will be difficult to improvise, especially in a different language.
3.) This will allow me to have a little bit more of extra money, not much but it's something.
4.) Most importantly it's a christian school, so I get to connect God to everything I teach and I get to use the bible in my classes. This has to be the greatest benefit, because it makes it unlike any other teaching environment. Also this is great for me, because it was the sciences that helped me to draw closer to God in some areas and to be in more of awe of his ability. So I'm praying that the Lord will use me to be a tool, so that through our classes the students can come to have a closer, deeper and more meanigful relationship with Christ.
I guess other big news is that my mom finally bought her plan ticket, so it is official that she will be here in a few weeks. Other than that things have been going great. I'm planning on trying Laura's fish recipe this weekend becasue it sounds so YUMMY!!!!!Oh yeah sorry about not posting pictures, I lost my battery charger to my camera which means I can't upload any of my photos but I hope to buy one soon, atleast by December. Then I will have tons of pictures to upload on Facebook and a few here on my blog.
9/14/2009
Correction
Just wanted to make a quick correction that the guy from North Carolina is coming in October not Septemeber. Also I have had some interesting experiences of having to wash my clothes by hand, I wouldn't recommend it because it's hard and time consuming. Truly I love modern household appliances I wish I had one, more specifically a washer and dryer, life would be so much easier.
9/13/2009
Update for September.
So even though I am horrible at updating this blog I am still in the time frame of updating once a month, though my entries for August weren´t updates at all. Instead the main one was just a rant to express how I felt, which is why I deleted it becasue well I don´t want to read it.
Any whoo. August and September. I moved into my new place and it´s amazing. It has everything and includes all utilities, plus it is a 10 min walk to my job and a 30 min walk to my church, where the HOP is located. The only draw-back is that there is no internet which means I need to be in the HOP or my school to communicate with people which kind of sucks, but it also limits me from being on the computer an excessive amount of time in the evening. Yet the trade off is that there is cable, so lately I have been watching, SpongeBob and Fairy God parents in Spanish, but the Spanish name would be, Bob Esponja y Los Padrinos magicos, hahaha. Though I still have a problem with having access to a lot of movies, which I watch on the weekends. This occurs because I´m extremly bored because there is no one to hang out with, yet little by little I am trying to dedicate that time to praying and reading the bible more.
On the note of boredom....The one person I hang out with the most is currently in Bangladesh and will not be back in Mexico until Sept 28th I believe. Also I put that on my Facebook wall, so please, please be in prayer for him and the whole team that went. I think God is really going to do something powerful and amazing through them and I would love to be there, but God has me here and I know he hears my prayers. Well the idea of being bored, I am. Not really bored it´s just that my life is so humdrum or monotonous, which is teaching me to be faithful and content in the little. It´s one thing to want to dig deeper in the Lord when you are doing great, amazing and exciting things in him or your life is horrible, but to have the same consitency and faithfulness and when your life is absolutely lacking in excitement is really, really difficult and it is a test of your charachter and true desire to dig deep into God and to be faithful. So that has been the biggest challenge, not to get easily distracted and become complacent or bitter. Still I want to do something different, so I am going to start going to Mexico City once a month again because, well, the people are just more exciting and interactive out there, I feel more a part of the body then I do here and they welcome and include me a lot more. The second thing is that I am going to take cooking classes in the Centro (down town area) once a week or every other week, depending on the price. I´m going to go with my best friends mother, Gladis, who I absolutely love, she is sooo wonderful, sweet and amazing and has been so loving to me. The first class I´m going to is this Wednesday, which will be traditional Mexican food, which I really need to learn. So these should be fun and exciting activities, plus this Wed, the 16th is Indpendence day for Mexico, which means, HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to enjoy it. Praise GOd, seriously.
So basically my life is the same every week, though God has done something really awesome in the midst of all of this. He has blessed me twice with money from different people, just becasue they felt the Lord telling them to do so. That's really sweet and awesome of God. Plus he has used random people like my sister to really cheer me up when the mundaness of it all was really getting to me. I love God for this sooo mcuh, becasue I know he wont leave me in this process alone and I know it´s not for forever and that the treasure/lesson/growth that will come out of this experience is really worth it. So just pray that I remain faithful, when I´m just like UGHHHHHHHH!!!! to life, becasue God is awesome and I need to just turn to Him because I can´t forget that He is my best of best friends and He knows me better than anyone else. It´s really awesome that we have a God that wants to be our friend, like he was with Abraham, Moses, David, the disciples, etc. So I want to take adavantage of that and not waste this opportunity he has given me even though it is an extremely tough lesson to learn.
I guess the only other update is that my mother is coming soon and that I should be in Cleveland this winter, God willing, for my sister´s wedding and Christmas, so I hope to be able to see and hang out with some of you guys. Also a guy, from North Carolina, who always visits some of the churches in Mexico hould be coming in September. He is part of the prophetic ministry and really encourages us every time he comes, so that ought to be pretty cool, plus he´s really nice and fun to hang out with. I´m praying for you all and I love you soo much.
Any whoo. August and September. I moved into my new place and it´s amazing. It has everything and includes all utilities, plus it is a 10 min walk to my job and a 30 min walk to my church, where the HOP is located. The only draw-back is that there is no internet which means I need to be in the HOP or my school to communicate with people which kind of sucks, but it also limits me from being on the computer an excessive amount of time in the evening. Yet the trade off is that there is cable, so lately I have been watching, SpongeBob and Fairy God parents in Spanish, but the Spanish name would be, Bob Esponja y Los Padrinos magicos, hahaha. Though I still have a problem with having access to a lot of movies, which I watch on the weekends. This occurs because I´m extremly bored because there is no one to hang out with, yet little by little I am trying to dedicate that time to praying and reading the bible more.
On the note of boredom....The one person I hang out with the most is currently in Bangladesh and will not be back in Mexico until Sept 28th I believe. Also I put that on my Facebook wall, so please, please be in prayer for him and the whole team that went. I think God is really going to do something powerful and amazing through them and I would love to be there, but God has me here and I know he hears my prayers. Well the idea of being bored, I am. Not really bored it´s just that my life is so humdrum or monotonous, which is teaching me to be faithful and content in the little. It´s one thing to want to dig deeper in the Lord when you are doing great, amazing and exciting things in him or your life is horrible, but to have the same consitency and faithfulness and when your life is absolutely lacking in excitement is really, really difficult and it is a test of your charachter and true desire to dig deep into God and to be faithful. So that has been the biggest challenge, not to get easily distracted and become complacent or bitter. Still I want to do something different, so I am going to start going to Mexico City once a month again because, well, the people are just more exciting and interactive out there, I feel more a part of the body then I do here and they welcome and include me a lot more. The second thing is that I am going to take cooking classes in the Centro (down town area) once a week or every other week, depending on the price. I´m going to go with my best friends mother, Gladis, who I absolutely love, she is sooo wonderful, sweet and amazing and has been so loving to me. The first class I´m going to is this Wednesday, which will be traditional Mexican food, which I really need to learn. So these should be fun and exciting activities, plus this Wed, the 16th is Indpendence day for Mexico, which means, HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to enjoy it. Praise GOd, seriously.
So basically my life is the same every week, though God has done something really awesome in the midst of all of this. He has blessed me twice with money from different people, just becasue they felt the Lord telling them to do so. That's really sweet and awesome of God. Plus he has used random people like my sister to really cheer me up when the mundaness of it all was really getting to me. I love God for this sooo mcuh, becasue I know he wont leave me in this process alone and I know it´s not for forever and that the treasure/lesson/growth that will come out of this experience is really worth it. So just pray that I remain faithful, when I´m just like UGHHHHHHHH!!!! to life, becasue God is awesome and I need to just turn to Him because I can´t forget that He is my best of best friends and He knows me better than anyone else. It´s really awesome that we have a God that wants to be our friend, like he was with Abraham, Moses, David, the disciples, etc. So I want to take adavantage of that and not waste this opportunity he has given me even though it is an extremely tough lesson to learn.
I guess the only other update is that my mother is coming soon and that I should be in Cleveland this winter, God willing, for my sister´s wedding and Christmas, so I hope to be able to see and hang out with some of you guys. Also a guy, from North Carolina, who always visits some of the churches in Mexico hould be coming in September. He is part of the prophetic ministry and really encourages us every time he comes, so that ought to be pretty cool, plus he´s really nice and fun to hang out with. I´m praying for you all and I love you soo much.
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