What to write, I'm not sure. Yes I probably write this statement for every entry but this time I think it's because I haven't processed anything yet. Life is going and going and I find myself feeling slightly sad about it. It's all truly bittersweet. I will let you know right now that I wont write exactly my thoughts at this moment because I don't want to be that open right now. Well anyway life seems to be passing me by in a good way at least. It's not that I'm not growing and learning because I am it's just that feelings inside me are welling up that I never experienced before. One thing I'm okay with sharing is the current desire to be married and have kids. Like most women I have always desired this but lately it has been stronger than normal which is all around strange for me. I think on what my mother said: Your reaching that age where this is what a woman desires. Not in the idea that woman only think on marriage and children because this is not it. It's as though an alarm within me began to go off one day and ideas and emotions that I never really had began to appear in my mind. Yes I know that this is completely normal but for me it is completely strange. How do I deal with this and how do I act. I'm so set on being patient and waiting on the Lord because I know it will all work out perfectly in his timing, but it doesn't mean that it is not difficult. Though I haven't fully processed everything this is one idea I came to while visiting family and friends this past week. Relationships in Christ are so precious and I'm just starting to really understand them. I want to spit it all out but I know that now is not the time. I guess to sum up my feelings is as though to say, "I'm a girl and at times it sucks to realize it."
Other than the emotional journey I'm on, I'm back in Mexico. I'm happy to be back because it's nice to be back into the routine of life so I wont think so much, but it was really nice to be home and see my friends and family. Truly only a week at home is not enough time, what I really needed was one week to relax and one week to spend with friends and family. The time just went by too fast, but I was glad to be there. For now that's all I want to say, when I truly process my thoughts I will right more, at least I hope to, b/c I know I am horrible with a blog at times.
3 comentarios:
Maya - I wished you had visited for two weeks too, but not so you could relax, but so you could hang out more!!!!
I will be praying for you... Cleveland isn't the same without you =( I hope everyone in Mexico knows how lucky they are to have you =)
Your desires are very healthy... And surprisingly, I think those desires will motivate you to act in ways that make romantic relationships more doable, if that makes sense... I guess when you really want something, you'll give up more to get it, which isn't a bad thing, in the case of preparing to share your life with another person one day! Don't feel bad to want those things even if they aren't right on the horizon.
We miss you very much. I understand how it's easier to be in Mexico now... It was probably better for me too because if you had stayed longer, I would have cried when you left!
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!
I wish I could have seen you when you visited the States!!! :( :( :(
But I'm glad you got to see a lot of people and spend time with family and friends. I know how much you missed everyone a lot of times...
As for this post, I know how you feel. It's back to me and you again =). Sorry for abandoning you for a year there...I should have known better ;). I'm back to my senses now =P.
'Tis the season to think about such things indeed...we're not the only ones because there seem to be a whole slew of weddings happening each year. I lost count last year and I lost count again this year. I'll be honest and say that I just flat out ignore my emotions and thoughts, push them away, and go do something else that takes my mind off of things. I'm not worried and neither am I anxious. The emotions are just there because I'm a woman. lol yes, I'm a girl and it sucks sometimes.
Either I go do something else or I remind myself of what Pastor Joe once said, "Instead of concentrating on what you are looking for, concentrate on BECOMING what you are looking for" (paraphrased)...and the focus goes from what I want, to what God wants.
Keep smiling and being yourself! And go find something else to think about/do ;).
Love you and miss you!!
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