So there are many things on my mind right now and as it gets later in the night the ability to express them all on my blog grows dimer, so I better get started.
GET OVER IT!
Lately I have been learning a lot about my own pride and fear in my heart and this has caused me to become so fearful with conflict resolution. Those who know me, may find this rather strange and ackward for my personality, but living in Mexico has made me become more passive and introvert and at time, passive-aggressive, which use to be my personal pet-peeve. Yet circumstances in my life are forcing me to deal with this growing fear and pride head on, of course through prayer and with the help of the Holy Spirit. But the Lord is making it evident to my heart that I will never grow if I don´t learn to deal with things head on, learning to fear God and not man.
I think living in a different culture can really take its toll on your self esteem, which in many ways can be good but if not checked by the Lord, can also be very damaging. In other words, I know one of the reasons the Lord brought me to Mexico was so that I would not be able to do things in my own strength, because he desires to work with those who lean upon him (that is quite beautiful actually, but can be difficult to learn), but because of that I have grown fearful of doing things, due to the fear of failure. But the real question is what am I really afraid of? And the answer is: What people will think of me. UGH and knowing that is frustrating because I know God's opinion should outweigh the opinions of others but I must be honest and say it has been difficult.
Yet I feel like this year (and I hope and pray this as well) the Lord has been teaching me to break through this, so we shall see how the progress goes, and by his grace I shall overcome in Christ Jesus.
Lunch on Wednesdays:
So every Wednesday I have been meeting with one of the woman here to study the bible together and to eat, kind of like discipleship. And not to go into much detail, since I believe it should be kept rather private, I just want to say that I love our times together. Not only is it a full afternoon filled with great food and coffee but we also have been studying 1 Samuel and looking at the life of Saul and David and how this relates to our lives has been awesome. Yet what I really appreciate, apart from the awesome bible studies and what we are learning about God, is the friendship that has been growing, because this lady is just an awesome woman of God and she is so hungry to learn more about him. Really I feel like it is a privilege to be able to lead and guide her. Ahhh I do look forward to Wednesdays but next week it will be canceled due to the internship.
RAINY SEASON!!!
Where is the rain. Right now in Cuernavaca it is usually raining non-stop but it really hasn't been raining lately which is a huge drag because without the rain it can get extremely hot. Maybe 90 degrees here and there is no big deal, but high 90s every day and through the not can becoming very difficult to bare. So I hope it starts to rain more consistently, but preferably in the night, then Cuernavaca's days and nights are like something out of a fairytale book.
WOW there were so many other things I wanted to write about but I can't think of a single one, that must mean that it's bed time. But one more comment. I'm hoping to be much more consistent with this blog, just talking about random things that have been happening to me in my life or what I have been experiencing here in Mexico but from a point of view that is not quite work oriented. And I hope that out of doing this I can return to being that very open hearted person I feel like I was at one time, just honest with what is going on in my heart and life.
6/15/2011
6/05/2011
One month left
Soo ever since I started to write updates on my experiences here in the House of Prayer Mexico, I slowly but surely left this blog behind and picked up a new one which focuses solely on my experiences in the House of Prayer. Yet recently I had the desire to pick this blog back up and start to just share more random, personal experiences that I have been having here in Mexico. That being said, this will be my first entry since.....September of 2009, WOW, almost 2 years ago.
Well as the title says, one month left, I have exactly one month left teaching two kids that I started to teach when I first came to Mexico. They were my very first class as an English teacher (they were my students before I got the job at the English School) , giving private classes and since I have become full-time in the HOP, they have been the only English class that I have kept. I have been their teacher for almost 3 and 1/2 years now and in the beginning of July they will be moving to a different state in Mexico. I know it isn't the end of the world or the worst thing that could happen to me, but I will miss them so much. To think that I have watched them grow and improve over the past 3 years and become part of there weekly lives. To be honest I'm not quite sure what I will do when I no longer have that 2 hour Thursday class with them. There are many things I can do in the HOP, while on the other hand many friends of the family want me to dedicate that time to their kids, but I'm not sure. After becoming full-time at the HOP I didn't keep up this class for the money, rather because I loved hanging out with them, laughing with them and getting to know them and at the same time having opportunities to share about Jesus Christ and the gospel to the two kids (who are pre-teens now). This has been such a blessing and it is quite possible that the Lord is now closing that door and calling me to really focus more on the HOP in the area of internships, because it is growing greatly.
Well, knowing that I have one more month with them, I am planning my last class to be a full day event (when I don't have to go to the HOP) in which we will play games, watch movies, eat and of course I will give them their parting gifts. I want it to be something that they will remember me by and something that encourages them to seek after Christ because I know that their hearts are open they just need to accept him as their Lord and Savior. I also want to give a gift to their parents for their generosity and kindness to me over the past few years, constantly feeding me, giving me rides and pretty much treating me like family instead of the random girl that gives English classes to their kids.
Well we shall see how it goes. I do ask that you will keep them in prayer though because recently I invited them to the evangelism outreach we had on Saturday and since then their mom has been on my heart. They are not a family with problems or needs economically, which can make wanting to accept the gospel much more difficult, but it burdens me to know that they don't know Christ and that they don't have this free gift of salvation. Please pray that I will continue to be bold this last month together and that the Lord will give me specific words to speak into their lives and ideas on how to bless them in ways that will cause them to look towards Christ as the only true living God who wants to save them from their sins which will only lead them to death (spiritually) and hell, because he loves them so.
Well as the title says, one month left, I have exactly one month left teaching two kids that I started to teach when I first came to Mexico. They were my very first class as an English teacher (they were my students before I got the job at the English School) , giving private classes and since I have become full-time in the HOP, they have been the only English class that I have kept. I have been their teacher for almost 3 and 1/2 years now and in the beginning of July they will be moving to a different state in Mexico. I know it isn't the end of the world or the worst thing that could happen to me, but I will miss them so much. To think that I have watched them grow and improve over the past 3 years and become part of there weekly lives. To be honest I'm not quite sure what I will do when I no longer have that 2 hour Thursday class with them. There are many things I can do in the HOP, while on the other hand many friends of the family want me to dedicate that time to their kids, but I'm not sure. After becoming full-time at the HOP I didn't keep up this class for the money, rather because I loved hanging out with them, laughing with them and getting to know them and at the same time having opportunities to share about Jesus Christ and the gospel to the two kids (who are pre-teens now). This has been such a blessing and it is quite possible that the Lord is now closing that door and calling me to really focus more on the HOP in the area of internships, because it is growing greatly.
Well, knowing that I have one more month with them, I am planning my last class to be a full day event (when I don't have to go to the HOP) in which we will play games, watch movies, eat and of course I will give them their parting gifts. I want it to be something that they will remember me by and something that encourages them to seek after Christ because I know that their hearts are open they just need to accept him as their Lord and Savior. I also want to give a gift to their parents for their generosity and kindness to me over the past few years, constantly feeding me, giving me rides and pretty much treating me like family instead of the random girl that gives English classes to their kids.
Well we shall see how it goes. I do ask that you will keep them in prayer though because recently I invited them to the evangelism outreach we had on Saturday and since then their mom has been on my heart. They are not a family with problems or needs economically, which can make wanting to accept the gospel much more difficult, but it burdens me to know that they don't know Christ and that they don't have this free gift of salvation. Please pray that I will continue to be bold this last month together and that the Lord will give me specific words to speak into their lives and ideas on how to bless them in ways that will cause them to look towards Christ as the only true living God who wants to save them from their sins which will only lead them to death (spiritually) and hell, because he loves them so.
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