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I really didn't know what to title this entry because I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about. Ever so often I've had the desire to post an entry but it wasn't strong enough to get me to actually do it. I can say that I feel the same way right now but I'm forcing myself to just take out a few minutes to write something. Firstly I must acknowledge that I have been MIA and I can say that I've been like that for a while now. I guess I can say that I've been trying to find my way back to things but I've missed the mark every time. Most of of it is due to the fact that my human efforts have failed me every time. I'm not quite sure what is going on inside my head or my life at the moment. There are many changes but they seem to just be another part of life and nothing to fantastic or exciting. Maybe it's just that I don't feel ready to share or that I don't feel safe to share. I was praying this morning and something I said to God is that I don't know who to talk to and I'm afraid to talk to people. I don't think afraid is the best word to use because it's not really fear. It's just that every time I am going to talk about it I hold myself back because it doesn't feel right and because I'm sick of talking about myself. I realize that right now all I want to do is talk about God. Talking about my issues or problems or even joys and celebration have only left me feeling void in such an unbelievable way. Yet nothing has filled this emptiness and I'm longing to have it filled with the voice of Christ. Something new in this walk is what I'm seeking. What is his heart for others and to see his hand working in my family. I want to hear the voice of God that will set me on fire again because everything else is futile, it's just walking through the actions of life but there never enough to touch me or bring me life. Truly I want to focus on others because I am unbelievable sick of focusing on myself. That's what's in my mind right now. I'm sorry if this entry is a bit much for people I'll try to update more on the daily things that have happened next time.